THOUSANDS DEAD DUE TO THE “APP”; LEARN MORE ABOUT THE ALLAGAN DEVICE CONVERTING YOUR LIFE INTO MONEY ON DEMAND!
October 1, 2018
Allagan Power Payment.
The device taking Eorzea by storm, the dreaded and lauded APP. Promising infinite wealth, at a paltry sum - all you have to do is input how much time you wish to convert from the end of your life. It’s honestly a very efficient system, and the interface is lovely.
Now, there are other functions to the APP - it allows you to circumvent business permit requirements, it allows you to check market values on the fly, and even show people what you look like - but its primary purpose is directly turning time in your life into sweet, sweet cash.
There’s a few downsides, of course. People keep getting a taste of the wealth and dying prematurely. It turns out it doesn’t reduce your natural life, but your true life - one man died after a mere day’s input, and the next day his home burned down. So apparently it reduces your life span from the day that fate decides your death, and not a ‘natural’ lifespan. Oops.
Now I know what you’re thinking: why not make an Ala Mhigan do it? Finally they could be worth something. Finally they could have value. Finally they could contribute something to society. Well, that’s the problem. For some reason, as it turns out, they’re refusing to use the APP. Turns out you can sell an Ala Mhigan on working at subsistence wages for hard labor but you can’t get them to sell days off their life to you at less money than the APP would give them, and pretty much none are willing to trust an Ul’dahn device that saps their lifespan. What selfish monsters!
I tried everything - taking them out to get them drunk (Pipin still hasn’t answered my letters), dangling coin in front of them to get their attention (they won’t look down at me for long enough, the bastards), even taking them to the Gold Saucer (I thought for sure they were all gambling addicts, but clearly they’re pretending not to be to spite me). No dice!
Oh well. I’ll figure out a way to turn this thing into coin eventually. Just you wait!
Minaji Maji is reminded that legally speaking, advocating for the eradication of Ala Mhigans as a race, or otherwise calling for general harm based purely on their self-identity, is against company policy and grounds for termination, and that her expressed opinions regarding Ala Mhigans are both entirely meant as a jest and do not represent The Crucible. For legal reasons.